GENDER EXPECTATIONS.

A man’s life isn’t easy as people think, probably because our concerns just aren’t voiced out.

So, it all begins when you own at least that one picture of you with your manhood, majorly captured to keep the family’s reputation boosted up. Ostentatiously showing off that picture that the mother produced a “baby boy”, is one of the seeds of patriarchy that have been sown in the society.

Many boys have injured themselves, getting slapped by an aunt or the teacher. Many times they get wounded and have squealed with pain, tears rolling down our eyes. But, every time a boy complains of pain, parents castigate him with the famous overrated Hindi dialogue “मर्द नहीं रोते”(Men don’t cry)? Our patriarchal society affects gender roles while we are growing up, thus building in a preference for “masculine” qualities and expectations in men.

So it’s considered normal when a guy needs to find a very “professional and classy” job and earn a very high salary by having a profession such as a “doctor” or an “engineer”, only to prove his manliness. Men are supposed to find a wife, produce at least one kid, and make the family proud by being well-established. The society expects that every guy must be “strong, courageous, independent, rich, intelligent, violent, insensitive, less expressive, assertive”.

The moment a guy fails to meet any of these parameters, he immediately experiences the challenges, the flip side of being a man. The professional background that earns him a modest salary is scoffed at. His passion to be a sport player other than “cricketer”, especially in India, is unfortunately still disparaged by most in many places. His physical deformities or mental disabilities are mocked. It becomes shocking when a guy is exposed to undergoing defalcations out of greed for being “rich” to keep up with societal pressures. If a man is sexually impotent or earns lesser than his wife, the society labels him as a weak. Being single by choice, or being comfortable with their feminine side makes a man homosexual by default. And, being some transgender, a cross-dresser or a eunuch are derided and are banished from the confines of the society altogether. Such factors ensure that latent homophobia or for that matter, any such oddity omnipresent in our society lashes out at every instance of a man expressing or being himself differently from expectations.

And when boys have dysfunctional family systems or try to become iconoclasts to such established beliefs, they are handled to a scale where the older members still berate or beat them up regardless of their age. Most boys start acting fake to keep up with such demanding social standards. They try to pretend to have owned these clichéd “cool dude” titles, behave like bullies who try to manipulate young minds of juniors or colleagues or physically abuse them, get into the bad company to earn this “bad boy”, “fuck boy”, “play boy” label. And then this culminates in having sex, doing drugs, alcohol, drinks, and whatnot. While on the other hand, there are boys who genuinely  be who they are, nonetheless, they are knocked down since they are believed to be disparate from established traditions.

Additionally, the boys who are incessantly built up with the misogynistic “Be a Man” dialogue then lack female importance in the society and become lechers with morbid sexual interests, violent husbands, criminals, rapists…the list goes endless.

It’s easy to pinpoint boys about how they become a terror to women by their uncouth behaviour, but honestly, it’s the society which creates these gender stereotypes, not the genders. It’s the traditional ideas which haven’t yet fleeted; it’s the wrong attitude which is rooted deep within our thoughts. It’s like creating a wall and cementing it layer by layer progressively as generations pass.

Learn to be who you are. Because if  you lose your identity in the colours of being someone else, you’ll never be identified as anyone out of the ordinary. Be different, love yourself, be happy, because it is not a precondition

Apart from that ,Women are not the only ones targeted in society. Men also receive much criticism from their actions and behaviors. They are also told to regulate what they do and how they do it by certain guidelines in order to be perceived as “cool”, or “manly.” After a detailed discussions with the men in my life and around about the expectations society has from them I concluded it in few points and hence here are some examples :

1. Breadwinners

Men are historically known as the breadwinners. This means that back in the day, they used to go and hunt while their wives cooked and provided adequate shelter. Now, being a breadwinner means that they must have an amazing job that pays well and allows for their family to buy whatever they want.

2. Charming

Society believes that men must be cunning while also being charming, something that most people have no idea means. What does charming even mean? Funny? Polite? Sexy? Oh, wait, it's all of them. Talk about pressure.

3. The first move

On top of having to be charming, the guy must always make the first move. While I must admit, most women are taking it upon themselves to do the deed, men are still look down upon if they aren’t the first to ask a girl out, or even propose to her first. Rejection is hard, cut him some slack for being cautious.

4. Must pay for everything

This ties back to the whole “breadwinner” characteristic. Women are expensive. And so are dates. Scratch that. Everything is expensive. So don’t call a guy cheap for not wanting to go to a fancy steakhouse or elope to a mini vacation. Or better yet, help him pay for it or switch off paying for dates. That way, he doesn’t break the bank and neither do you.

5. Natural Protectors

Men are sought out as the natural protectors, which means if anything happens, women look to the man for help. Sometimes, if shit hits the fan, they’re going to want to run in the opposite direction. But, the second they do, they are given derogatory names for it.

6. Socially forced to make “gains”

Some people love going to the gym because it’s a healthy way to live life. But men are forced to go to the gym because if they’re perceived as weak, then they’re subjected to ridicule and bullying.

7. Natural manliness

Some guys are built, some are lanky and some are quite normal, yet they all are forced to carry themselves with power, even if they don’t feel powerful. This is called hyper masculinity, the idea in which men must overcompensate and do “manly things” in order to be viewed as masculine as they can. But this isn’t for an ego booster, most men use this as a source of protection.

8. Pampering yourself is “gay”

Guys, never be afraid to pamper yourself. Women actually find this honorable in a man because they take the time and the effort to take care of their bodies. Men need to stop believing that getting their nails done is just a “woman” thing because honestly pedicures are just amazing foot massages. You can always forgo the clear nail polish if you really want to.

When you are sick of it , you should talk about it !Lets  give them what they deserve ladies !